With the whole synesthasia thing I associate people with colors. Except I’m not sure it’s really synesthasia. The synesthasia really comes into play with numbers being certain colors-and personalities, same for letters, and also certain words. I actually feel like I have ordinal linguistic personification, moreso than grapheme color synesthasia. Not that I don’t associate words, letters, numbers with colors, but that the feelings and personalities they evoke are usually much stronger. And my automatic and persistent feelings towards certain things (days of the week, months of the year, intersections or roads, places, names) just because of the personalities they evoke often influence my mood or perception, sometimes I catch myself and try to override it but it’s tough.
So, the people color thing. Is that really synesthasia? Or is it my subconscious assigning colors (which have personalities) to match human personalities? For one thing, it isn’t instantaneous, and that seems to be a key ingredient in synesthasia (the evoking personalities is definitely instant. The first time I went through the Main st./George Owen intersection I became uneasy and a bit freaked out. I don’t like that intersection. It’s creepy. Like a rich old guy, blackmailing teenage girls to have sex with him. That kind of creepy/disturbing. It still bothers me driving through it). Strangers I meet are all kind of a bland mustard yellow grey color, kinda hazy, sometimes colors will tint the haze during conversations or whatnot, but at some point, and I have no idea when it is, their color becomes distinct and permenant. And I can’t get rid of it. It’s like, when I have memories, or even think about people, in my mind they always have that color kindof tinting or outlining them. I don’t project it onto them when I see them, it’s always just in my head. And when I see that color, it often brings that person to mind. It’s like my mind automatically instegrams memories in my head, but instead of old-timey ocher it’s tinged with that person’s color. Some people are quicker to be colors than others, and some colors are way more intense and almost overwhelming.
Now, the point of the post is-it is John LaVoie’s birthday today and a few days ago on the ambulance I saw his color. His color has bothered me because it hadn’t settled. Now, granted, he’s the second newest addition to the family (sorry Emma, gotta grow up a bit, right now you’re a rose and gold and peaches kindof color mess) and I don’t know him as well as I know everyone else, and colors seem to take longer to settle on guys than girls (because I have a harder time relating because I’m a girl??) but he’s family and I felt like I was being somehow rude not having a color for him. Now, I didn’t want to over thinkit and assign him a color, because that doesnt work, so I’ve basically tried to ignore his hazy, swirling, mess of indistinc colors when ever I think about him and Rachel. I knew it was a darker color (He is defintely not a yellow) and that was it.
And the color is…Indigo! Or at least, what I always imagined Indigo to be, which is a deep dark blue with just a hint of violety pigment. It’s a dense color (as in impenetrable, not as in dumb), not flashy-but intense, whimsical on the edges and sometimes lonely. I like Indigo, I think it’s crap that they took it out of the rainbow. I saw it in the sky, by the way, it was a very blue night. You know, sometimes night is black-grey, and other times a brown dirtyish black, and sometimes really purple black, and that night I was driving the ambulance and boy the sky was blue for that time of night! And I immediately thought of John, and beach vacation and him in front of the refridgerator putting something on the table and there you have it.
Happy Birthday John!
Seriously, is this just all in my head? I mean, I KNOW it’s in my head, but did I just wake up one day as a kid and thought it would be a cool game to play and kinda kept doing it and forgot it was a game? Is it pseudo-synesthasiatic (synesthasiatic, is that a word? synesthasiesque?). Or would I just be really good at basic interview questions (If you were a color, what would you be? “Well, ma’am, I hope to be a purple or maybe a light blue, I really don’t want to be fuschia…You seem like an orange woman…)