I’m helping Brian with his listening homework again for his Human Services class. This is how it goes: I read him the scenario/exercise and slowly, excruciatingly, try to draw out details from him to answer the question.
So I was using the book to explain to him about the Drama Triangle when it comes to how you relate/perceive/communicate with other people, it has three types of participants: persecutor, rescuer, and victim.
Me, reading aloud: “The PERSECUTOR operates from the “I’m OK-You’re NOT Ok” position.”
*pause to glare at Brian, he starts laughing.*
Me: “People behaving in this mode are often fault-finding and nit-picking…Persecutors are experts at zeroing in on what people do do that’s wrong rather than right.”
Brian is now laughing pretty hard.
Me: “They are quick to form a rebuttal to what has been said and often listen to how something is going to fail or not work.” This is SOOOO YOU! Even if you don’t say it aloud. “People often feel like dumb and stupid children after communicating with a persecutor.”
Brian, now red faced from laughing: Hey that part’s a little harsh, I don’t do that.
Me: How many times do I tell you you come across condescending?!
Brian, laughing again: Well I’m talking about other people, not when I’m talking with you…
Me, exasperated: But I’m the only person you really communicate with!
Brian’s just laughing.
Me: Seriously, how many times have you come home and told me about a conversation you’ve had and you say, “That person is just weird.” Or, “That guy’s messed up.” Or, “He was a little odd.”…
Brian, interjecting: In my defense, most of them were pretty messed up…
Brian is laughing so hard right now he almost falls out of his chair, I put my head down on the book and moan, “I don’t even know why we’re doing this because if you were truly honest you wouldn’t be doing ANY of these exercises.”
Brian, slightly alarmed: Don’t be THAT honest! I don’t want people to know I’m a nutjob.
Me: But you ARE a nutjob!
Brian: Hey, that other book I read said God wants me to be just the way I am!
Me: No! It said God wants to help shape you into your full potential! And I don’t think you being a nutjob is your full potential!
Brian: Maybe He wants me to be the nuttiest nut job ever!
Me: You WANT that to be what He wants so you don’t have to do your homework.
I wish I had recorded the entire conversation, it was pretty ridiculous. BUT I think, maybe, at the end of this semester Brian may learn something about himself despite it all.
Me: If you don’t want people to know you’re a nut job, maybe you should actually work on some of these things so you are less of one…
Brian: It’s a lot easier just to learn how to act like I’m not one.
Then again, maybe not.