All About TMI

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Pregnancy, in general, is TMI defying. It unavoidably makes people uncomfortable-either you (the pregnant one) or the people around you. As I hit the last leg of pregnancy the TMI just gets out of control.

One: Being pregnant means you’ve had sex. This doesn’t usually seem to weird out general strangers, but with family members it can be an uncomfortable reminder. Some prefer to believe their sisters and brothers and in-laws are asexual but pregnancy kind of forces it all out into the open, right there with your now protruding belly button.

Two: You (the pregnant one) are no longer in control of all of your bodily functions. From the gag reflux of first trimester to the incontinence of the third, you not only become horribly embarrassed by your bodies betrayal, but you also frequently embarrass those around you-especially when you develop squeaky walking farts as you waddle around in public places. Do they just ignore it? Do you? Should you try to make some equally awkward joke just to make sure everyone is thoroughly uncomfortable?

Three: Women, have no tact. They will ask you thinks like “Did you lose your mucus plug?” at restaurants. They will discuss episiotomies while slicing up their sandwich, or stop you in the mall to share their birth stories. They will do so in crowded public places, often with men around who easily blush or look increasingly queasy and you, the pregnant one, suddenly realize why in the olden days women stayed in confinement until the baby was born.

Four: Women, when confronted with an obviously pregnant woman, develop diarrhea of the mouth and have to share EVERYTHING about their own birthing stories, or their children, or their second cousins, or whoever all the while giving you loads of advice, belittling anything you say with comments of “just you wait” or “enjoy it while you can” or “you have no idea.” This is uncontrollable, apparently. Pregnant women to other women are like castor oil to the bowels. And it is equally unpleasant. TMI, ladies, TMI.

***By the way, men who give ANY advice or insight into childbirth, breast feeding, or pregnancy should be shot on sight. Unless they are asked a SPECIFIC question (like, “which Boppy cover do you like best?) or are the OB doc, and even then they should tread lightly. Brian was in the room when they checked my cervix, afterwards I looked at him and said, “I don’t want to hear ANYTHING about ‘getting the finger’ again.” (Prostate check, for those who don’t know what I’m talking about)….aaaaaannnnd I probably just overshared there, sorry, TMI…****

Five: Because you have so little control of your bodily functions, are obsessed with the baby developing inside you and anything that could possibly go wrong, AND on top of that have pregnancy brain, you catch your self sharing with family members about such bodily functions, and then it spreads to friends, and then soon your blogging about it for all the world to see. This may still, regrettably, embarrass you once your wildly shifting mood swings have pulled you back into a somewhat saner mentality and you can’t believe you’ve just posted about your cervix on face book.

I am now officially 2 days past 40 weeks. This will hopefully be my last post while pregnant. Please pray I go into labor before the seventh (my induction date) because I’d really like to avoid being induced. :/

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