The Ambush:-Using the element of surprise to baffle and momentarily freeze the target, this technique leaves no room for error as the target will recover quickly and forcefully resist. Loses it’s effectiveness with repeated usage as the enemy wises up to the startegy.
Everything is laid out partially hidden by the diaper bag, or chair, or large toy. The enemy comes bounding into sight, blissfully ignorant….ATTACK! Breach the walls before the enemy has a chance to recover! Use any means necessary to keep the target pinned down as the attack plan unfolds rapidly.
The Frontal Assault:-Like trying to lay seige to a moving castle. Plans are carefully laid in advance, but you and the adversary both know what is coming. You mount your offensive strategy as he prepares his most foul defensive techniques.
Your weapons are prepped and laid within easy reach, visible to both you and your opponent. He eyes you steadily, showing not the slightest hint of fear. You can already smell the toxic gases he’s prepared for his defense. CHHHAAARRRGGEE! You scale the front walls and hit the first wave of unbearable stench (your enemy has no regard for the Geneva convention), he is frothing at the mouth, screaming profanities, struggling with the strength of ten men. Quick! Secure the main artillary before you are overrun! Wipe down the flanks and COVER THE REAR! COVER THE REAR! With an almighty lurch your enemy twists out of your grasp and surges to his feet, toddling away in indignation as you sit back wearily and wipe your sweaty brow. Never easy, the frontal assualt is not for the faint of heart.
The Sherazade-A combintation of the above with the addition of heavy distraction. The success of this technique mainly depends on the mood of your foe.
Your weapons are prepped but partially hidden as in the ambush. You lure your opponent to you with enticing bits of entertainment (chicken noises, the fishy face, perhaps the hokey pokey?) He comes, not wholey unsuspecting, but enjoying the show. You maneuver him into position with more games and teases, maintaining eye contact while you try to surreptitiously infiltrate his main defenses. At this point it can go one of three ways: One, he is entirely fooled, heartily entertained, and uncaring of your proceedings, Two-he suddenly notices what you are doing with surprise and things proceed like an ambush as you hastily wrap things up, Three-he knows exactly what you are doing and waits until you are vulnerable before alligator death rolling out of your hands and running, shrieking, free as a jaybird down the hall. You must finish things with a full on frontal assault.
Things sure do stay exciting around here…