Un-Funny Pregnancy Rant


I am 37 weeks pregnant today. Whoop-ee.

I have been pregnant far more than I have been UN pregnant in the last two years. (At the end of this pregnancy I will have been pregnant for 18 out of 24 months. How’s them apples.)

When I wasn’t pregnant I was breast feeding.

Folks, this may be pretty un PC of me to say, but I am TIRED of sharing my body. To be carrying a toddler on top of an enormous belly containing a feisty, protesting unborn child is just ridiculous. One is clinging to my neck, the other one is playing piano on my spinal nerves. Every time I pick up Cade and hold him for longer than 30 seconds, I have a contraction and then Zane proceeds to pummel everything within his reach-which is basically all of my internal organs. Joy.

I am SO tired of being huge. I can’t get up out of bed, off the couch, off the floor, out of the car…I have trouble switching the laundry, folding clothes, showering, putting Cade in the crib, picking Cade up… I can’t run, I can’t even walk quickly, my belly is so big when I lay down on my side the weight actually pulls on my ribcage to add to my general discomfort. 

I can’t exercise beyond walking. I can’t rest without being uncomfortable. I am, as people like to point out, all belly so I even LOOK ridiculous. I look like someone literally inflated a balloon underneath my shirt (well, BRIAN’S shirt because I don’t fit ANY of mine.) Which is another thing: I miss wearing heels, I miss being able to dress up, I miss the option of wearing something BESIDES my husband’s old t-shirts. And, by the way, Brian’s shirts are even getting tight, my belly is visible from the bottom like a candidate for “People of Walmart”.

I’m finding it hard to remember what it was like to be fit and active and ME. I love Cade, I already love Zane, but this pregnancy stuff sucks. 

On that note, I feel bad for Cade this month. Everything is uncomfortable, as I’ve listed above, so I don’t want to DO anything. I can’t run around with Cade. I don’t fit on the slides anymore, I can’t throw him around and rough house, I can’t fly him like an airplane or toss him in the air. It’s all I can do to lay him down for nap without falling into the crib on top of him. Walking across this street to the small play ground we have near us gets harder daily, ESPECIALLY because it’s still frequently “Real Feel” of +100*F outside.

Do I have everything ready for Zane’s arrival? Big fat nope. I have a very nice To-Do list, but I’m rather too grumpy to do anything about it. Besides which, what’s the point of trying to clean the house when it’ll be an absolute disaster within half a day of bringing Zane home? And I’ll invariably have to rearrange everything I’ve prepped because where you THINK things will work with an infant and where things ACTUALLY work with an infant are not even close to the same thing. Zane just needs to get here.

Thank goodness I have made some great friends down here…who also conveniently have Cade-aged children for playdates, ha. Playdates-and conversation- make the time go quicker…

Seriously, September needs to FLY by. Tomorrow I need to wake up and it be the end of the month. I was initially hoping that Zane would be born on my older sister’s birthday (September 29th) but now I’m hoping Zane arrives tonight (sorry, Rebecca).

Guess I’ll go flop around in bed for a few hours and pretend I’m getting sleep. Buh.


If you read all that, thanks for putting up with my melodramatic streak. 🙂 I am honestly-generally-pretty darn happy with life at the moment, but my less than charitable feelings towards pregnancy are nonetheless also currently true. I feel better for whining a bit, I’ll put on my big girl panties tomorrow. 😛


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