Skyrim and Parenting

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Brian recently pulled out the xbox after months of it collecting dust on the bottom shelf of our entertainment system. He also dusted off an oldie but goodie game-Skyrim. All you really need to know for the purpose of this post is that Skyrim is a role playing game (design your character, interact with world) with a myrid of options in quests and activities. You level up your character by improving on several catagories of skills and then you get a “perk point” to put into the skill of your choice everytime you level. Brian has played through this game from start to finish multiple times, with multiple characters. I’ve started two previous characters and got maybe 1/64th through the game. Usually I just help design his characters and then do the fun-for-me-boring-for-Brian parts (like smithing, selling things, enchanting, alchemy) and he does the actual quests (lots of hacking things with swords and axes). But a few weeks ago I decided to give it another shot. Now, in the 30 minute snippets of spare time I get, I spend some mindless time playing Skyrim.

Maybe too much time.

The other day Cade was babbling about something and I was catching about 1 word in 20 because he’s not real great with vowel sounds. Like “bath” is pronounced “beeth”, and cows go “ummmmmm” instead of “moooo”, and he doesn’t say “no” he says “nu”. So everytime he managed to pronounce a word in a manner that I could understand (usually with heavy context clues the first couple of times) I found myself “leveling up” his “speech” skill in my head. Which meant I just had to figure out the categories for everything else. Without further ado, the Skyrim inspired Toddler Character:

If you have a toddler you know nothing can change their base design, so we can skip the first half of character building. They are who they are, you get no say. However, you can Level Up your toddler by increasing the individual levels of certain Skills (up to 100).

Sleep-leveling up this skills allows access to perk points such as “20% less likely to wake during a thunderstorm”, “permenant doorbell disabler”, and “benedryl”.

Speech-leveling up this skill has its typical advantages, like “50% less communication error tantrums” but it also introduces some elements into your toddler character such as an option for “the incessent WHY weapon” which allows them to question enemies until they flee.

Attention Span-leveling up this skill includes perks such as “Consecutive Tasks”  and “Independent Play”, and allows for a “TV option” that will calm the character down for ten minutes of game play.

Utensils-increasing this allows Toddler to utilize forks and spoons more and more efficiently which increases overall health regeneration.

Boo-boos – acts like an “armor” skill set with increasing resiliency to life in general. Perks include “mommy kiss quick fix” and “30% less prone to histrionics”.

Motor Skills- Improves general game play, ability to complete quests, etc. Perks include, “20% less likely to trip over own feet,” all the way up to “dresses self.” (though if you put a perk point in that last one you lose control over what they wear-just because they CAN dress themselves doesn’t mean they WILL.)

Manners- Improves sharing attitude, patience, and allows for better success at “playdate” quests which otherwise can be nightmarish. Perks include things like “uses magic word without prompting” and “charm strangers into wanting children of their own.”

Potty Training- Leveling up this skill allows for a more seamless game play without constant diaper change breaks. It also gets rid of the messy “blowout” scenario that occurs at random and replaces it with “accidents” that decrease with frequency as this skill is leveled. Perks include, “wipes own butt 25% of the time”, “dry sheets”, and unlocks preschool quests.

Math- increasing this skill increases the difficulty of presented puzzles but ALSO greatly increases the rewards. “Understands the Count of Three” is the first perk, with the final perk at level 100 being “Calculator”.

Reading- at this stage considered a social development, points in this skill (earned mostly by recognizing letters) allow for a greater selection of books with increasing interaction. Perks like “Repeat” allow for multiple parental readings and “Storytime” provides impromptu gatherings.

So there you have it: leveling up your toddler Skyrim style.

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