I’m Gonna Love You…Until You Hate Me

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I am SO EXCITED about this post y’all. Excited, and terrified. Here’s the deal: every winter I struggle with what boils down to mild depression. I’ve experienced clinical depression before, and the seasonal gloominess I get is a shadow of that, but I know many people struggle with the same or worse. It’s technically called Seasonal Affective Disorder, and it can be pretty frustrating. For me, the very absolutely horrendously WORST part of the winter is the month of February.

I loathe February. I rant about it every year. I don’t hide my total hatred of the month. In the past I faced my nemisis head on and treated it like the miserable fun-sucking gloomy never ending waste of calander space that it is. It was the enemy. To be endured and fought against.

Well. Not this year. The thing about focusing on the negative-even though it did keep me from the listless frightening monotony of a deeper depression-is that it breeds more negativity. And although the tactic has worked to pull me through year after year, I’m tired of grumping.

This year, it’s a whole new game plan.

This year I’m challenging myself to challenge myself. To explore and do things I’ve wanted to do for awhile or am just plain curious about. To find and celebrate good things that occur in this month, like all the wonderful people I know with February birthdays. Some of the things I’ve planned ahead to keep me entertained, others I’ll hopefully discover spontaneously as the month progresses. Basically, I am planning to rock February. But the biggest thing, the overarching event that I am using to propel me (happily) through this month, is what I did a few days ago.

I’ve been wanting to do this for a long, long time, but circumstances-like job requirements- and not liking people staring at me have kept me from acting. Well, I work as a stay at home mom now, and even if my dislike of being in the spotlight keeps me from venturing past my subdivision, I can enjoy it all the same. This is for me. The crazy in me that likes playing with color and hated being called Barbie. And since the color of February is purple…

….

…….

Wait for it….

….

…….

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Ta da!

AAAAAHHHH I LOVE IT! I love, love, LOVE it!! It makes me want to try out all kinds of colors. Blues and pinks and maybe even teal. Maybe go more pastel? Or darker. Or brighter! I don’t even know, it’s like I’ve slipped into a parallel universe of untried options. And not just for haircolor-I feel like I could be a better writer riding on the laurels of L’oreal. Or maybe an artist, I freed my inner Frida Kahlo- take that conventional beauty! I am beyond tickled, you guys, it is so much fun!

I wanted to get it done on the first day of February, but the earliest I could get an appointment was the 4th. I was ok with that, but Brian wanted my hair purple before the weekend. Because, Brian. So I ended up getting it done in January 29th. He has an opinion about everything, and I kid you not we debated shades of purple for months before doing this. I love my husband so much.

Oh, and neither Zane nor Cade “turned a hair” so to speak (HA!) at my new do. Men, they just don’t notice the little things… ;).

Happy February everyone. Seriously. 😀

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3 responses »

  1. I love it!!!
    Believe me, I am super unhappy/down/nearly depressed every February too (and even January) so I get the need to add your own fun to the month(s)! Way to go! 😀

    Like

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