It’s OK Thursday…Remus’s perspective

I saw this on my cousin’s page (cousin-in-law I guess technically, but thats a pain to type all the time) and I figured I’d link up and give it a try. Though to give it a spin appropriate to my blog, I’m channeling Remus for this “It’s OK Thursday”.

IT’S OK (if you’re Remus)…

…to dig holes in the front yard. Digging is fun! Bugs are fun! Puddles are fun!

…to eat rocks…except that one…this one’s OK though!…nope…This one’s ok!…

…to stick my nose up people butts. Such interesting smells! Wish they wouldn’t jump so much…

…that my farts are probably killing brain cells, I don’t have many brain cells to kill so I’m safe.

…that I fling my bone on kitchen counters, as long as it falls off again.

…to bark at the neighbors. It’s more than OK, it is absolutely necessary!

…that I pee like a girl still.

…to run in circles when I’m excited.

…to make the car shake when I pant.

…to make funny noises when I’m bored and roll around on the kitchen floor.

…to stand on my owner’s foot, how else can I get her to scratch my ears?

…to help eat any and all left over cheese when my owner is cooking, even if I have to sneak it off the counter.

…that I walk when I poop. Too many interesting smell on the ground, no time for potty breaks! I’m that hardcore.

…to sleep for 14-15 hours in a 24 hour period…or mayb 16…or 17…who’s counting?

…to dribble my food all over the carpet when I eat, I’m saving it for when my owner forgets to feed me….wait…she only ever seems to forget when the floor is a mess…weird!

And to end the list, something that is definitely NOT OK no matter what day of the week: Vacuum Cleaners! Those things will destroy you! Best to stay in your crate and whimper continuously.

PetsMart and Patient Stories

I bought $204 dollars of stuff at PetsMart today. $30 of it was for two calming collars for my brother’s neurotic cat. The rest was dog food. I see other people similarily stocking up, taking advantage of the PetsMart Holiday sales, while their cutsie little lab mixes and cocker spaniels trot behind and the jack russells and chihuahuas pee excitedly in the shopping carts. The two giant bags of dog food they’re buying will last them 6-9 months (Shoot, might last the chihuahuas a year). I’ll be happy if I get two months out of the four bags I bought. FOUR 34lb bags of dog food. 136 lbs of dog food. Remus’s appetite is increasing because it’s getting cold outside again. We’re up to 10 cups of food a day. Actually, it’s midnight right now and I just put another four cups in his bowl, if he finishes it before morning it’ll be 14 cups of food in less than 24 hours. I’m contemplating buying a feedbag…

I shaved him a few days ago. His “Winter Cut”. i.e. I left the clippers on the longest guard and he now has uneven tufts sticking out where the blades bogged down. Not sure if it really improved his appearance too much, but he sheds a little less, his fur is softer, and he no longer looks like a shaggy poof on stick legs. Why he can’t grow a decent fur coat on his legs I will never understand. He just gets these ethereal whisps that trail out from his elbows and spike down his legs like the hair of a balding man attempting to gel spike his wrap around coif. Also, the shorter hair allows for better visualization of the jingle harness, oh yeah.

YES I will get pictures of him in his harness. I’m too proud of the construction of said harness not to post a few photes, but right now my camera battery is dead.

I’m still really not liking the whole “touch screen” smart phone. It doesn’t “touch” where I touch it. It’s always a few milimeters off. If they’re going to make the touch buttons that darn tiny they should work on calibrating the sensors. I’m tired of typing text messages half a letter to the right to get them to make any sense. Otherwise, my text messages “qiyls kiij kujw rgua” (“would look like this”). Irritating.

Funny Things Patients (or their family) say and/or do.

“I’ve only had two beers.” HA! Tell that to your car we’re attempting to peel out of a tree, or reassemble like a jig saw puzzle, or disassemble with the jaws of life….

Spouse-angrily, to me, while I’m listening to his wife’s lungs. “You don’t understand asthma.” Really? Then why did you call me? You’ve got three cars in your driveway and a valid drivers license, YOU take her.

Pt’s mom, “I put the cream on the rash at noon today, and he’s been fussy that it burns ever since.” …it is NOW  4am and pt (toddler) is sound asleep on her shoulder, but she wants him transported…by ambulance…to the ER…for………?

Frequent flyer pt: “I just want some pain medicine, I hurt so bad.” (This is her usual complaint) she continues “can’t y’all give me something?” We respond, “Ibuprofen?” she responds, “If they put me in the front I’m just gonna sign myself out.” We respond, “Then why do you want to go?” She responds, “It’s all those other people that go to the ER for no good reason that make the wait so long!”  Ah, sweet irony.

VERY heavy lady with a sinus infection who literally can’t sit up in her bed without assistance, calling all of her friends with the succinct message, “Ahhh, Diva’s Down! Diva’s down…”

Pt: “I think I’m having an allergic reaction to a cat.” Nurse: “where was the cat, did it touch you?” Pt: “No, I saw it cross the yard. I just want to make sure I’m not having trouble breathing.” ……………….

“Do you have any medical problems?” “No.” “Do you take any medications on a regular basis?” “Yes. Lisinopril, HCTZ, Synthroid, Zoloft, Crestor, Insulin…” (Translation: Hypertension, hypothyroidism, depression, hyperlipidemia, diabetes…)

AH, and I had forgotten about this one. Assault call where patient was in back with my partner (pt had injured knee or something) and pt’s girlfriend rode up front with me and regaled me with the whole convoluted often changing story. It ended with her deciding to check into the ER herself for a bite to her toes from a vicious stripper….yup, vicious stripper toe bites.

That’s all for now 🙂

Male Menopause

Mood changes, lack of interest, diet preference shifts…I am attempting to mentally and emotionally prepare myself for my dog’s up and coming menopause. Ok, ok, the analgoy breaks down pretty quickly, Remus can’t have MENOpause because he’s never had menstraution, and menopause usually refers to a decrease in Estrogen not the upswing my little man is going to experience BUT as far as a comparison of wide hormonal shifts that can cause a drastic change in aspects of energy and mood it’s a pretty spot on analogy.

I dutifully crawled out of bed, threw on jeans and a t-shirt, and hauled my hungry, spastic (but freshly bathed) wolfhound to the vet. There was another dog already in the waiting room and–a bunny. Remus always goes a little crazy at the vet wanting to say hi to every creature, human and otherwise, today was no exception. However even for him he was more whiney than usual (scared of the bunny?), it was as if he knew that this wasn’t a regular visit. I managed to haul him a safe distance away from the bunny and he promptly climbed into my lap and started shedding. Then someone brought in two cats in a crate. Veterinarian waiting rooms either need to be bigger or they should be better at scheduling. (How about alternate days for dogs and cats?)

The other dog was removed and then it was Remus’s turn. In a place swarming with female techs they sent out the one and only male. Remus doesn’t like men, he went nuts. At one point he climbed back over the benches to get to me, knocking off a majority of the cushions. I had to walk with him to the scale and pushed on his rump to get him to follow the tech to the back. Usually at the vet he’s spastic because he’s just so happy and excited, and he knocks into everyone indescriminantely with his happily flailing tail. Today, his tail was tucked so far between his legs I’m surprised he didn’t step on it.

Guilt set in with a vengence. I had flashbacks to the first time I took him to the vet, he weighed 8 lbs and actually mostly fit in my lap. He was nervous when they lifted him on the table. He calmly accepted all his shots but objected fiercely to the thermometer. And the vet laughed as she examined him and said he had a very large pair. Now, at a year and a half, Remus will  lose his manhood.

I know it’s “veterinarian recommended”. I know noone would probably be interested in breeding my gangly doofus dog. I know this might fix his digging up my front yard and his occasional bursts of excessive energy. I know it’s the right thing to do. I still feel like a horrible person.